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Articles by Brian Jackson

Educating the Masses, Part One of Several

22 April 2009

I'm starting a movement on Facebook right now aimed at educating the American Masses. To that end, I've decided to start answering the questions that people ask in their Facebook status messages. I think you'll find that my information is both accurate and relevant, worth citing in Wikipedia articles or high school research papers.

Today's Question (asked by Kaci H.): "What 1773 event occurred that helped popularize coffee in America?"

October 12, 1773 - America's first insane asylum opens for Persons of Insane and Disordered Minds in Williamsburg, Virginia. Pushed by long nights and early mornings, the staff embrace a strange purple beverage (because the color brown wasn't invented until 1775) brought back from the Antarctic Circle by James Cook.

The substance became known as "Kofi", after "Kofi Annan", not technically encountered by James Cook since the United Nations wasn't technically founded yet, but of whom Cook's intrepid band of adventurers speculated in late-evening drinking songs in the ship's bar, including the ever-popular song with the refrain "Kofi, Kofi, he's our man / if he can't do it / at least Benjamin Franklin is still alive".

The rest, as they say, is history.

Addendum:

The question was raised about how I know so much about coffee.

Some say that Wikipedia isn't as reputable as traditional secondary sources just because people can edit the information. To them I say "bah!". After all, according to Wikipedia, every article in the Encyclopedia Britannica contains at least three typos and a LIVE BROWN RECLUSE SPIDER.

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